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The Adventures of Rose Red, Snow White's Less Famous Sister
Finally, a fairy tale that hasn't been done to death!
Rose Red, the lesser known teenage sister of Snow White, finds herself pressured to "get famous" by her family, the Grimm Brothers (who want to buy her life rights) and all the other well known fairy tale stars - Cinderella, Goldilocks, the Fairy Godmother, Little Red Riding Hood, and even her best friend Little Miss Muffet. When Bo Peep finds fame and fortune for losing her sheep, Rose Red can't believe her ears. "She got famous for losing something! That's weird!" As the pressure mounts to find her "schtick" Rose Red struggles to keep her identity.
Attack of the Killer B's
“Attack of the Killer B’s … resembles the hip, anarchic irreverence of the early Mad magazine (when it still featured the work of Harvey Kurtzman and Will Elder). …Abley has done something far more difficult and artistically satisfying than crank out yet another parody of cult horror films. On the Factory Theater’s tiny stage [he has] created an alternate B-movie universe, where every lonely motel is run by Norman Bates and every summer camp haunted by murderous spirits in hockey masks…You’d have to be a pod person not to laugh at this fast-paced, good-natured romp through B-movieland.”
-- Jack Helbig, Chicago Reader
While visiting their mother’s grave in the cemetery, Glen and Barbara are attacked by the dead risen from the grave to feast upon the living. Glen is killed, but that doesn’t stop him from coming back as a zombie to rescue his sister and flee Night of the Living Dead come to life. From Reefer Madness to Glen or Glenda, from Friday the 13th to Nightmare on Elm Street, from Attack of the 50 Foot Woman to Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Barbara and Glen battle their way from one B-movie menace to the next. Will they survive?
Comedy
One-act, 50 minutes
9 males, 7 females (13-41 actors possible: 7-22 males, 6-19 females)
$35.00 per performance; $5.00 per book
Bitches
“CRITICS CHOICE. Bitches proved itself a satire with resonance as well as camp comedy at its best.”
Stephanie Shaw, Chicago Reader
“…expertly crafted to give audiences a side-splitting laugh about things that we suspected were stupid in high school, but were to naïve to make fun of effective… It is a must see for all women who want to remember the way they were, and it also allows men insights into what girls were really thinking about in high school…You’ll find yourself laughing hysterically while the bitches fall.”
Felicia Morton, Chicago Flame
“Adding to the lunacy is that this all-female show is played by an all-male cast. That’s an extra ingredient that makes Bitches even funnier, but it isn’t the primary reason for its success. Mr. Abley’s script is a very funny, extremely well-crafted satire that stands on its own.”
Jeff Rossen, Gay Chicago
“RECOMMENDED. Abley has taken his comedy to a new level in this marvelous, wickedly funny drag comedy. Bitches, like the best work of Charles Ludlam, transcends this increasingly overused genre by delivering an involving, well-told and character-based drama in which the boys in dresses are just one element in a complex, hilarious play.”
Jack Helbig, New City
As she enters her senior year, Sindee Sandstone rules Susan B. Anthony High School. So when newcomer Angelatina Vindechi takes her place on the cheerleading squad, relegating the queen bee to dreaded “alternate” status, Sindee vows revenge. Driven by her overbearing mother, Charlene, Sindee coerces her fellow cheerleader Carmelle into killing Angelatina. Local talk show host, Paula DeMarcato, catches wind of the scandal and descends upon Tubbville to cover the story with tragic (and by tragic, we mean hilarious) results.
Bitches is a unique comedy in that all the roles are women…to be played by men.*
Comedy
Full-length, two-act, 90 minutes
13 males (10-20 actors possible)
$75.00 per performance, $7.00 per book
*Although Bitches is traditionally performed by an all-male cast, the playwright would consider granting rights to an all-female cast production.
Camp Killspree
Twenty years ago, at the Hard Log Men’s Resort, a horrible crime of passion occurred. Richard came home early to find his lover, Clifford, in the arms of another man. Grabbing a conveniently nearby chainsaw, Richard separates Clifford from his new boyfriend…and his head. CUT TO: Now. The Hard Log Men’s Resort is being remodeled and reopened as Camp Community, a summer camp for gay teenagers. A group of adult camp counselors, all of whom look really good naked (did we mention this play has tons of nudity?) descend upon the camp to prepare it for the grand opening. One problem: the masked killer stalking the counselors and killing them, one by one.
Commissioned by Bailiwick Repertory, Chicago.
Comedy
One-act, 50 minutes
9 males, 1 male or female (17 actors possible: 10-17 males, 1 male or female)
$35.00 per performance, $5.00 per book
Dr. Francinscence and the Christmas Monster
In this family holiday comedy, Dr. Francinscence has grown tired of his "evil" reputation in Christmas Village. With the constant threat of a torch-carrying angry mob every time he unveils a new invention, the good doctor decides to create something that will once and for all squelch the "mad" in mad scientist. Thus, the Christmas Monster is born. Unfortunately, all this does is remind the villagers of the bad things that have happened Christmasses past, and Dr. Francinscence is dragged into the Christmas Village Supreme Court. Will Dr. Francinscence be found guilty of crimes against Christmas?
Holiday comedy
One act, 50 minutes
10 males, 4 females, 5 either
$35 per performance
Dracula's Daughters: A Family Comedy
What if Van Helsing and Jonathon Harker didn’t kill Count Dracula? What if Mina decided to marry Count Dracula and run away to the suburbs of Transylvania? What if they had two daughters that are now rebellious teenagers? Dracula’s Daughters: A Family Comedy hilariously explores the Count of Darkness as he navigates his way thru parenthood and suburban living.
Commissioned by The Virginia City Players
Comedy
One-act, 50 minutes
4 males, 4 females (16 actors total: 12 male, 4 female)
$35.00 per performance, $7.95 per book
Horrible: The Mayfly's Life
The life and death of Mayfly in eight minutes. A dark, quick change farce for two razor sharp actors.
Dark comedy
One-act, 8 minutes
1 male, 1 male or female (This piece was written for two actors, one of which would play 8 roles. However, if the production chooses to cast every role individually, there are 9 roles possible, male or female.)
$35.00 per performance (negotiable)
Horror High
In this comedy for junior high and high school students, we visit Horror High, alma matter to teenage vampires, werewolves, witches and mad scientists.
Comedy
One-act, 50 minutes
9 males, 8 females
**NOTE: HORROR HIGH WILL BE PROVIDED TO FIVE SCHOOLS OR YOUTH THEATER COMPANIES FOR FREE IN EXCHANGE FOR WORKSHOPPING THIS NEW SCRIPT. CONTACT US FOR DETAILS.**
Nuclear Family
“Abley creates a devastating portrait of a family drowning in its own dissipation, and does so with great economy and humor. Just about everybody in [Chicago] has been trying to write this play for years…none displaying Abley dramatic thoroughness…the play has achieved an epiphany worthy of the contemporary king of the American family drama, Sam Shepard.”
Justin Hayford, Chicago Reader
Nuclear Family begins with the return of Michael to his suburban Chicago home after years of being away. We soon see that the family Michael fled is supremely dysfunctional, from his brother who has dreams of owning a bar, to his sister who apparently still keeps contact with the friend of her brother who raped her, to their mother who plays each of her children against the others. Explosive family dynamics are explored in this kitchen sink drama.
Black Comedy
Full-length, two-act, 2 hours
4 males, 4 females
$75.00 per performance, $7.95 per book
**NOTE: I’M LOOKING FOR A THEATER COMPANY TO TAKE ON A WORKSHOP PRODUCTION OF NUCLEAR FAMILY FOR THE PURPOSES OF A MAJOR, ACT TWO REWRITE**
Reefer Madness
"Today Reefer Madness has reached cult status...Sean Abley's adaptation faithfully -- and hilariously -- reproduces the film's spirit and much of its dialogue."
--Lawrence Bommer, Chicago Tribune
"Executed with the subtlety of a rope burn, this gala event is hand packed with goof ball antics and classic Chicago trash theatre techniques."
--Eric Forsberg, The Planet
"This onstage Reefer Madness provokes laughter by sticking to its premise without winking once...the hysteria speaks for itself.
--Achy Obejas, Chicago Reader
Bill, Mary, Gwen, and Jimmy are all swell kids. They listen to their parents, do well in school, and help out around the community -- that is, until they get caught up in the marijuana subculture. With "Mary Jane" filling their lungs, these kids resort to theft, prostitution, and murder to satisfy their cravings, which leads to suicide and death sentences. Is one puff really too much? A hilarious send-up of the 1936 exploitation film, now a cult classic.
Comedy
Full-length, 60-75 minutes
6 females, 8 males (11-30 actors possible: 5-10 females, 6-22 males)
$75.00 per performance; $7.95 per book
The RISE of the House of Usher
Seven strangers have been called to a mysterious mansion on the eve of Halloween for a reading of The Fall of the House of Usher by its author, Edgar Allan Poe. As the night wares on, each stranger is revealed to be connected to the real family upon with the short story was based. One by one, each guest is murdered in a manner duplicated from a variety of Poe’s works. Who is the murderer? And is everyone truly who they appear to be?
Commissioned by the Virgina City Players
Murder Mystery Comedy
One-act, 50 minutes
4 males, 4 females (9 actors possible: 5 males, 4 females)
$45.00 per performance, $5.25 per book